Dr. Wingnut

Three Little Words That Work !!

The three little words are: "Hold On, Please…"

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

These three little words when they receive them back.

Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system.

Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased dramatically.

Another Good Idea:

When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and it costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before! the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes. One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing!

Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting their own junk back in the mail.

Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it…Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work — I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.

A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear avoice call from behind a sand dune.

"One United States Marineis better than ten Iraqis!"

The Iraqi commander quickly sends10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks andcontinues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then callsout "One United States Marine is better than one hundredIraqis!"

Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100troops over the dune and instantly a huge firefight commences. After 10minutes of battle, again silence. The American voice calls out again"One United States Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis!"The enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends themacross the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a hugebattle is fought, again silence.

The American voice calls outagain

"One United States Marine is better than a battalion ofIraqis!" The commander is so enraged that he sends the entireRepublican Guard Army. The battle lasts for days with out an end insight. Guns, bombs, rockets, bullets are going all over. Finally,silence. The Iraqi commander is stunned, what's going on?

Eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune andwith his dying words tells his commander,

"Don't send anymore men, it's a trap. There are two of them!"

SemperFi

Keep The Faith Brothers

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone “brother”
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.

This item has been around since at least May of 2000 as there was a duplicate post when I bulk loaded the stuff I had been saving before I started this online blog.

This is from an Army captain stationed in DC.

To nobody'ssurprise there were protestors today in DC, they attempted to disrupt themetro system and block the Key Bridge, a leading artery into DC fromNorthern Virginia.

I got hosed twice because I come in from NoVAon the metro and it is raining hard which makes traffic worse anyway…tothe point — I got off my train in Rosslyn because I had to use thebathroom. . When I was getting back on the train there were protestors onthe train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America.

I politely declined to take one.

An elderly woman was behind megetting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protestor offeredher a pamphlet, which she politely declined.

The young protestorput her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship andin a very soft voice said, "Ma'am, don't you care about the children ofIraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my firsthusband died in France during World War II so you could have the right tostand here and bad mouth your country. And if you touch me again, I'llstick this umbrella up your … and open it."

I'm glad to reportthat loud applause broke out among the onlookers and the young protestorwas at a total loss for words.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son… Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

• Kunstbar
• Other winners of the Flash Film Festival
• Fun Middle East geography quiz
• Weight Watchers recipes from the 70s
• Peach Melba
• Jellied Tomato
• Liver Pate
• Thanks for this and several other links.
• Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
• This is the coolest online game I've seen in awhile. One hint to get you started: click stuff.
• Fun etch-a-sketch page.
• For the coyotes reading the newsletter, and the roadrunners that love them… the one and only Acme product catalog.