Dr. Wingnut

We must not expect that the solution to our problem will bring us immediate peace of mind.  Focusing our energies and emotions on the answer — not the problem — will, however, alleviate much of the futility and frustration we feel.

A medical doctor, George S. Stevenson, wrote, “The solution may not give you everything you want.  Sometimes, it may give you nothing but a chance to start all over again.  But whatever little it gives you is much more than you give yourself by letting your emotions tear you apart.”

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

• Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
• Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
• Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth!
• War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night
• It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
• Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
• Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
• Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
• Man who has sex with woman in field get piece on earth

Now send it to 10 or more people within the next 5 minutes!  And good luck!  Nothing will happen but 10 people laughing at these Proverbs!

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals & Hillary Clinton.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
3. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and outsourcing their jobs to India.
4. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body; but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host.  Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and Insurance Companies make good profits; and have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.  Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
13. It is okay that the Bush family’s “Carlisle Group” has done $$millions$$ of business with the Bin Laden family.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his reelection campaign as the “War President!”
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.  A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is somehow, solid “defense” policy in a “War Against Terrorism.”
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include “banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.”
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades; but George Bush’s Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy’s library, and is none of our business.
18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest; but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.
19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a “spirit of international harmony.”
20. Preemptive war with Iraq was necessary because we thought they had WMD’s; but preemptive war with North Korea is not a consideration, even though we KNOW they have them.
21. It’s OK for our military to secure the borders of Iraq, but claim they are not “trained” to secure the U.S. borders.
22. “Nation-building” is considered a no-no before being elected president, but now it’s a top priority.
23. You are a conservative; but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same time, refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.
24. We’re perfectly happy to listen to you and have a debate in principle, but we’ll only listen to you if you pass the loyalty test.  And you only pass the loyalty test if you agree with us.

The illogical behaviors and contradictory beliefs can take a toll on a healthy mind. So, if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice:

HE OR SHE MAY BE A REPUBLICAN!!!

I was sitting in the car last night waiting for some friends to arrive for a bicycle ride.  As I sat there, the Minnesota State Bird population was quite thick buzzing around the closed window.  I think that I read somewhere that mosquitos are attracted to Carbon Dioxide.  But, I wonder if they are attracted to the smell, or can they actually see it?  Sounds like a good research project for the Department of Agriculture to pursue.

Last week; Tuesday, June 15, 2004; on my way home from work, I was rear-ended by some joker who booked off like a jackrabbit.  I went to a couple of body shops to see how much the repairs would be.  Today I received a letter which opened as follows:

Dear JONATHAN LORD;

Thanks so much for visiting our ABRA Auto Body & Glass location, and giving us the opportunity to present you with an estimate to repair your Unknown PASSAT GLS.  When you choose ABRA to complete you repairs, you can be assured that you will receive first-class, quality service throughout the entire repair process.

If the work is half as good as the quality of the letter, I think I shall take my business elsewhere.

On my way home from work yesterday, I traveled for some time alongside a brown Jaguar XKE Coupe.  It took all I had not to roll down the window and ask the guy driving the Jag if his name was Harold.  If that were his name, it would have been too ironic.