Dr. Wingnut

Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy, and makes right royal kings and queens of common clay.

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional.  Scroll down for each answer.  The questions are not that difficult.  But don’t scroll down until you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.  This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?  Wrong Answer.
   Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.  This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the animals attend… except one.  Which animal does not attend?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Correct Answer: The Elephant.  The elephant is in the refrigerator.  You just put him in there.  This tests your memory.  Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat.  How do you manage it?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.  Have you not been listening?  All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.  This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.  Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

36% Proportion of high school students who say newspapers should get government approval before printing a story.

74% Proportion who say people should not be allowed to burn or deface an American flag as a political statement.

Yesterday it was publicly announced that I had accepted a promotion to Vice President, Information Technology.  I guess my fortune cookie was right.

Meditation is not a way to enlightenment, nor is it a method of achieving anything at all.  It is peace and blessedness itself.  It is the actualization of wisdom, the ultimate truth of the oneness of all things.

Ya shure, Ya betcha!  Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnysota.  Also serving Visconsin, Nort and Sout Dakota.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline.

You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience.

Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck.  Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.  Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land ’til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up.  I’m only gonna say dis vonce.  In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet,so loss of cabin presure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.  You’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat.  Just stuff doze backup in dair little holes.  Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we’re going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet..  sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it.  Start saying da Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say “trespass against us,” which isn’t right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way.  No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style with da coffeepot up front.  Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you.  Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I’ll say Grace.  “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed.  Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close.  Amen!

The Secret Service took my client’s hard drive and came up with the fact that it was infected.