Dr. Wingnut

Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.

It’s that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.  As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert.  The saying; “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain, so… Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still “with it.”  The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you have made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and… begin.

Well maybe not that clear!

1. What do you put in a toaster?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Answer: Bread.  If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else.  Try not to hurt yourself.  If you said, “bread,” go to Question 2.
2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk.” What do cows drink?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Answer: Cows drink water.  If you said “milk,” please do not attempt the next question.  Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.  It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children’s World.  If you said “water” then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.  If you said “green bricks,” what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?  If you said “glass,” then go on to Question 4.
4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)  Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail.  The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.  Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany.  Where would you bury the survivors?  East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors.  If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash.  Your efforts would not be appreciated.  If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors”, then proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator — You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.  In London, 17 people get on the bus.  In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.  In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.  In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.  In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.  In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.  You then arrive at Milford Haven.  What was the name of the bus driver?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!  Don’t you remember your own name?  It was YOU!

Now pass this along to all your “smart friends” and hope they do better than you did.

PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!

My copy of OS X Tiger (10.4) arrived yesterday afternoon from Apple.  The installation went very smoothly; except for having to re-establish my Wi-Fi connection.  So far I’ve only done the install, and played with Spotlight and looked at the updates to Safari, but it appears to be another winner from the Apple stable.

The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

• Guess the Google: very attractive game, even if it’s near-impossible to guess the word right.  Thanks to Amit Gupta.
• MP3 downloads from Amazon
• Worth reading: Are you in a race to the top?  Or…?
• Click “What dog are you” in the lower right.  [The Dr. is an Irish Setter]
• Ramayana cartoon

Success with outsourcing mirrors that in the divorce rate; that is, one in five deals end within a year, and 50% of all deals end in five years.

As is predictable, the marathon weekend brought our first good weather.  Spring has come to Boston.

This means six weeks of unpredictable weather with rain, just a chance of snow or frost and the annual Pothole Filling Frenzies and Muddle Puddle festivals.

As they say on the Radio:

“We can look forward to a 30% chance of 60 degree weather and a 60% chance of 30 degree weather and 90% chance we’re are all wrong anyway.”

This Leap into spring has been brought to you by:

Hugh, down at:

Hugh Jass Lawn Ornaments.

Remember, once you get to gnome, you’ll love him.

Credit Problems?

Not to worry!

Just go to the Hugh Jass Endless Credit department where our credit manager is Helen Waite.

If you want Hugh Jass credit, go to Helen Waite.

See what I mean about Spring Fever