Dr. Wingnut

Chance is always powerful.  Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.

Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.

The evolution of human growth is an evolution from an absolute need to be loved towards a full readiness to give love.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever

The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie

Just one.  And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

Dachshund

You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler

Make me.

Boxer

Who cares?  I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab

Oh, me, me!!!!!  Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!  Can I?  Can I?  Huh?  Huh?  Huh?  Can I?  Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd

I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier

I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog

Light bulb?  I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel

Why change it?  I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua

Yo quiero Taco Bulb.  Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.

Greyhound

It isn’t moving.  Who cares?

Australian Shepherd

First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

Poodle

I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it.  By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

The Cat’s Answer

Cats do not change light bulbs.  People change light bulbs.  So, the real question is: “How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination.  As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.

Here are some definitions for PMS!

• Pass My Shotgun
• Psychotic Mood Shift
• Perpetual Munching Spree
• Puffy Mid-Section
• People Make me Sick
• ProvideMe withSweets
• Pardon My Sobbing
• Pimples May Surface
• Pass My Sweatpants
• Pissy Mood Syndrome
• Plainly; Men Suck
• Pack My Stuff

…and my favorite one…

• Potential Murder Suspect

And as an example:

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!!  ONLY ONE!!!!  And do you know WHY?  Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!  They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!  They’d sit there in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!!  And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS!  But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!  AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!  BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!  IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!  IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I’m sorry.  What was your question?