Dr. Wingnut

Never explain — your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old?”  Well… You’ll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.  I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.  Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.  This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

Hmmm… Or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.”

“Yes.  Yes, I did.  I had a mustang,” he gleamed with pride.

“When did you graduate?” I asked.

He answered, “In 1965.  Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, “What did you teach?”

Think before you make the coward’s choice.  Old age is not for sissies.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.  He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.  The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”

The blonde says, “Don’t worry.”  She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.  She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can?  What did you spray on that rabbit?”

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says…

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(This is bad!)

(It’s definitely a Blonde Joke!)

(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line….)

(You can still delete it)

(You know you’re gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK here it is)

It says,

“Hair Spray – Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave.”

The human brain forgets ninety percent of what goes on.

There was a man who had four sons.  He wanted his sons to learn to not judge things too quickly.  So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.  When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no—it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but one season in the tree’s life.  He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are–and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life—can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.  Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

I’m Grumpy because you’re Dopey.

A perfect compliment to the quote from my friend Bonnie’s secretary: “I‚Äôll be nicer when you are smarter” which is listed along with other gems in General Quotes