Dr. Wingnut

While all other sciences have advanced, that of government is at a standstill — little better understood, little better practiced now than three or four thousand years ago.

An elephant asked a camel, “Why are your breasts on your back?”

“Well,” says the camel, “I think that’s a strange question from somebody whose wiener is on his face.

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

Well, there’s a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn’t know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas.

Our dipsticks are located in Washington, DC!

Any Questions?

No?  Didn’t think so.

It is very important that my ISP supplies internet to my house like the water company supplies water to my house.  It supplies connectivity with no strings attached.  My ISP doesn’t control which websites I go to, it doesn’t monitor which websites I go to.

Ricky was in trouble — He forgot his wedding anniversary.  His wife was really angry.  She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning, Ricky got up early and left for work.  When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused and curious, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new… BATHROOM SCALE.

Ricky has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him.

Trust yourself.  Think for yourself.  Act for yourself.  Speak for yourself.  Be yourself.  Imitation is suicide.

You got to love this guy…  This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.  It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.  It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.  He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.  As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8″ x 10″ glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.  Nothing was said for a couple of minutes, then he turned to the best man and said, “F— you!”  Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you!”

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.”

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge — making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.nbsp; Do you think we might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

• Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
• Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
• Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
• The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8″ x 10″ glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
• There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MasterCard