| Temperature | What others do | What Minnesotans do |
|---|---|---|
| +60 | New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. | Minnesotans plant gardens. |
| +50 | Californians shiver uncontrollably. | Minnesotans sunbathe. |
| +40 | Italian cars won’t start. | Minnesotans drive with the windows down. |
| +32 | Distilled water freezes. | Minnehaha Creek water gets thicker. |
| +20 | Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. | Minnesotans throw on a t-shirt. |
| +15 | Californians begin to evacuate the state. | Minnesotans go swimming. |
| Zero | New York landlords finally turn up the heat | Minnesotans have the last cookout before it gets cold. |
| -10 | People in Miami cease to exist. | Minnesotans lick flag poles. |
| -20 | Californians fly away to Mexico. | Minnesotans throw on a light jacket. |
| -40 | Hollywood disintegrates. | Minnesotans rent some videos. |
| -60 | Mt. St. Helens freezes. | Minnesota’s Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door. |
| -80 | Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. | Minnesota Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough. |
| -100 | Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. | Minnesotans pull down their ear flaps. |
| -173 | Ethyl alcohol freezes. | U of M students get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg. |
| -297 | Microbial life survives on dairy products. | Waseca’s cows complain of farmers with cold hands. |
| -460 | ALL atomic motion stops. | Minnesotans start saying “Cold’nuff for ya?” |
| -500 | Hell freezes over. | Jesse Ventura is President |
Just because today is the 8th(?) day in a row with temperatures over 90 degrees doesn’t mean that it won’t get cold again.