Words to guide our lives

06/19/2000 Dr Wingnut Humor Comments Off on Words to guide our lives
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me alone.
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
  • It’s always darkest before dawn.  So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • Don’t squat with your spurs on.
  • If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
  • Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  • Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together…Carl Zwanzig
  • There are two theories to arguing with women.  Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
via eMail, Mon, 19 Jun 2000 13:04:19 EDT