Dr Wingnut

Month: June 2000

  • Patriots

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.Nine of the 56 fought and died from…

  • Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."Archangel Michael looked puzzled…

  • Just for the fun of it

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Times when the “F” word was appropriate“I don’t suppose its gonna fucking rain?”Joan of Arc“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.”John F. KennedyAn Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions… A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confessionFather, it has been two…

  • Life in a nut shell

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    Dr Wingnut
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    At age:Success is:4not peeing your pants.12having friends. 20having sex.35making money.60having sex. 70having friends.80not peeing your pants.via eMail, Thu, 22 Jun 2000 16:34:21 EDT

  • Words to guide our lives

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me alone.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.It’s always darkest before dawn.  So if you’re going to…

  • The advantages of being female

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    Dr Wingnut
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    We got off the Titanic first.We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.Taxis stop for us.We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.We don't have to…

  • Heimleich Maneuver

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Two West Virginians were having the blue plate special at their favorite diner, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a 'possum burger too fast.The first hillbilly said to the other, "Think we otta' help?""I reckon," said the…