Year: 2004
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Proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man…
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Compassion toward conservatives…
It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals & Hillary Clinton.The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.“Standing Tall for America” means firing…
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Do mosquitos see CO2
I was sitting in the car last night waiting for some friends to arrive for a bicycle ride. As I sat there, the Minnesota State Bird population was quite thick buzzing around the closed window. I think that I read somewhere that mosquitos are attracted to Carbon Dioxide. But, I wonder if they are attracted…
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100% Quality work
Last week; Tuesday, June 15, 2004; on my way home from work, I was rear-ended by some joker who booked off like a jackrabbit. I went to a couple of body shops to see how much the repairs would be. Today I received a letter which opened as follows:Dear JONATHAN LORD;Thanks so much for visiting…
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Are you Harold?
On my way home from work yesterday, I traveled for some time alongside a brown Jaguar XKE Coupe. It took all I had not to roll down the window and ask the guy driving the Jag if his name was Harold. If that were his name, it would have been too ironic.
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Micro-Management at the office
I recently hired a new software developer who shared this enlightening memo from his previous employer (a DotCom). Enjoy!Dr. WingnutPopcorn Popper and Hot Dog machineWe now have a Popcorn Popping machine and a Hot Dog machine in the kitchen. Do not pop popcorn or cook hot dogs without permission. We are going to limit operation…