I was listening to This American Life episode #354 about apologies that aren’t really sincere and at the end of the show, they talked about a poem by William Carlos Williams called, “This is Just to Say,” which they indicated could be considered the touchstone for the insincere apology. They had David Rackoff, Sarah Vowell, and some others read some very funny variations of the poem.
They suggested that you could Google “this is just to say” spoof and find many variants on this thread. I especially liked two very funny ones at cracked.com,
This Is Just To Say….
I had sex with your sister
on our wedding day
I was just so full of happiness and loveI knew one day
we could look back on this
and laughand by one day, I mean that day
and by we, I mean I
and by laugh, I mean laugh
and…
This Is Just To Say….
I ran over your cat
forgive me
he just looked so retarded
although he was born that wayhis eyes were crossed
his tail was bent
Darwin
would have wanted it this wayIf it makes you
feel better
it took me three tries
to catch him
This is just to say…
I planted
the device
that blew up
your clinic
You did abortions
they told me
I don’t know
I’m not very political
Forgive me
but they offered
good money
and I have debts
This is Just to Say
I cleaned
the toilet
with your toothbrush
and which
you probably expected
to be clean
each morning
Forgive me
it worked great
so pink
and so stiff
Stupid pro-life people always have to suck the fun out of everything.
“homewrecker.”
this is just to say
i have taken
your husband
as a lover
and i know you need him.
but last night
i needed
him too.
he has a gentle touch,
and i can
clearly see,
how you two are so
happy.
Beware the humorous verse. It will teach you some lessons.