Category: Humor
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Three tortoises
Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. “OK Les, give me the…
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Technology
Three men, a German, a Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.“That was my pager,” he said, “I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm.”A few minutes later…
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The Texas Duck Hunt
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, “I shot…
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Buying a horse
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.”The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” the midget replies. So the owner…
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Recruiting
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Executive was tragically hit by a bus and she died.Her soul arrived up in Heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. …
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A cat’s reward
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord,…
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Money
It can buy a HouseBut not a HomeIt can buy a BedBut not SleepIt can buy a ClockBut not TimeIt can buy you a BookBut not KnowledgeIt can buy you a PositionBut not RespectIt can buy you MedicineBut not HealthIt can buy you BloodBut not LifeSo you see money isn’t everything. And it often causes…