Dr. Wingnut

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown with great force.

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

Red sighed and said, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again….”

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, “You don’t like getting flowers from your boyfriend?”

The redhead said, “I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.”

The blonde says, “Don’t you have a vase?”

Washington, DC — President George Bush announced today that the US Government has won the “Drug War” and henceforth all resources devoted to preventing America’s children from killing themselves with drugs will now be devoted to killing them in Iraq while they defend us against “terrorists”.

He concluded his press conference with, “We won the Cold War, we’ve won the Drug War, and now we’ll win the War on Terror.”

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.

Jill and I went to the Twins game yesterday (They beat the Royals 8-11, yea!), and on the way home we decide to stop at the Dairy Queen for a little treat.

We order from one girl, and then because I’m looking, I notice that this other girl has something printed on her arse.  She’s moving around behind the counter and I don’t want to appear to obvious, I am with my wife after all, so I try to make out what it says.  I finally get a good look, and it says, “NICE BUNT” with one word on each cheek.

Well, it’s a known fact that men like to look at women’s asses, so don’t give me any of that, “You bad, bad, naughty boy, how could you” crap; especially since Jill was drooling about the nice butts on the boys on the ballfield during the game.  But teenage girls don’t seem to know this, because they buy these amazing clothing items that have words printed on the butt, like we’re not looking there anyway, and need additional encouragement to focus our eyes there.

I think about it for a while and guess that it must be softball related, because they were kind of like sweatpants, then I remembered this Monty Python skit about this guy who couldn’t say the letter ‘C’ and always said the letter ‘B’ instead.  Someone convinces the guy to use the letter ‘K’ instead of the letter ‘B’ and he goes about his business saying all kinds of words that have the letter ‘C’ in them properly instead of mispronouncing them with a ‘B’.  The skit ends with him calling the guy who told him about using ‘K’ a, “Stupid Bunt.”  And, that’s all I could think of the girl with “NICE BUNT” printed on her ass.

Not the fruit of experience, but experience itself, is the end.

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably,sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received.  Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute:

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.  Take the time… to live and love.