Month: December 1999
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The Funeral
A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind…
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Oh, the state of affairs!
Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:29 have been accused of spousal abuse7 have been arrested for fraud19 have been accused of writing bad checks117 have bankrupted at least two businesses3 have been arrested for assault71 cannot get a credit card due to…
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Just in Today
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having…
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Welcome to the Rust Belt
You know you are from Michigan when:You own only three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.You've taken your…
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Y2K Christmas
T'was the week after ChristmasAnd all through the house not one pc was working not even a mouse.I turned on the power but nothing was workingI grab the computer and start banging and jerking.I laid out three grand for this big piece of junkOn january 1st the damn thing went "kerplunk"!When I threw it out…
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Memo from God
To: YOUDate: TODAYFrom: THE BOSSSubject: YOURSELFReference: LIFEI am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to…
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A Wish For The New Millennium…
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-endocrinologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist,…