Day: August 3, 2000
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If men were to rewrite the rules…
Rule # 1Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.Rule # 2If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.Rule # 3If we say something that can be interpreted in two…
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If Edgar Allen Poe Had a Computer instead of a Raven. . .
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,Systems manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,Still I sat there doing spreadsheets:Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.Typing with steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command,and waited for the disk to…
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If "Dear Abby" Were A Man…
Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to…
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Ideas for your next cover letter…
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.Wholly responsible for two (2)…
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Humor Debunking…
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When…
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HRH Elizabeth II
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a…
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How to write a specification
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that?Because the first rail lines were…