Month: August 2000

Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny.  He was six years old.  Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 this evening.Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going and going, "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and family, was…

The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon (the remains of) individuals who have given their all in an effort to improve our gene pool.  The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate sacrifice of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid means.The Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic ways of killing themselves,…

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying bastard!""Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted.  He turns to be defendant and says, "you are also charged with killing a paperboy…

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening.  He says to his wife,"Look honey. Its raining."She, being the obstinate type, responded,"I don't think so, dear. I think it's snowing." But…

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The BedGet Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-byeI Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go BowlingI Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With…

PLEASE HELPWith contract terminations in the contract market around the globe looming due to the increasing fall in economic conditions, now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It's just not right.Hundreds of consultants in your very own country are living at or just below the six-figure income…

WASHINGTON, DC-On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.The act, signed into law by President Clinton shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack any…