Month: November 2000

Reads like "Green eggs and Ham"Can we count them with our nose?Can we count them with our toes?Should we count them with a band?Should we count them all by hand?If I do not like the count,I will simply throw them out!I will not let this vote count stand!I do not like them, AL GORE I…

Comprehending EngineersTake OneTwo engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and…

Here is something for the grammar-obsessed, and for those who, perhaps, should be grammar-obsessed:It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.Oxford University Press, Edpress…

Element Name: WOMANIUMSymbol: WOAtomic Weight: (don't even go there)Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to…

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack, so he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he…

In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. But The Great 2000 Election Controversy is so big that all-star poets have come out of retirement to quickly set the story to rhyme….For starters, history buff Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:Listen, my children, don't dare ignore,The midnight actions of Bush and GoreIn…

(to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke)Don't know much about historyDon't know much foreign policyDon't remember how I got through schoolI'm sure I didn't break the rulesBut what's it matter 'cause my granny says"Boy, if you want to you can be the prezAnd what a wonderful world this will be"Don't know…