Dr Wingnut

Year: 2001

  • Martha's Way vs. My Way

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Martha's way:Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.My way:Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for pete's sake, you are probably laying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. You know we don't have anything better to do.Martha's…

  • Bill Gates speaks to Kids…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    To anyone with kids, of any age, here's some advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them…

  • Did I get this Straight?

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Let's see if I understand how America works lately.If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving she blames the restaurant.If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years…

  • Get a life

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    Dr Wingnut
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    It’s a great honor for me to be the third member of my family to receive an honorary doctorate from this great university.  It’s an honor to follow my great-uncle Jim, who was a gifted physician, and my Uncle Jack, who is a remarkable businessman.  Both of them could have told you something important about…

  • Religious Philosophies of the World in a Nutshell

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    CatholicismIf shit happens, I deserve it.ProtestantismShit won't happen if I work harderJudaismWhy does this shit always happen to me?BuddhismWhen shit happens, is it really shit?IslamIf shit happens, take a hostage.HinduismThis shit happened before.Hare KrishnaShit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.RastafarianismLets smoke this shit!via eMail, Tue, 22 May 2001 13:02:04 -0700

  • Transmitting information

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Memo from General Manager to Manager:Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff…

  • A train ride

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    Dr Wingnut
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    In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, a good looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton had a big red slap mark…