Dr Wingnut

Year: 2004

  • Cruise

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    Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: “We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young!”  He thought it over and agreed.  He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where…

  • Definitions

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    ADULTA person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.BEAUTY PARLORA place where women curl up and dye.CANNIBALSomeone who is fed up with people.CHICKENSThe only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.COMMITTEEA body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.DUSTMud with the juice squeezed out.EGOTISTSomeone…

  • Growth

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    No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.Heraclitus

  • Home Remedies

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    If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic.  Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them.Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed…

  • God doesn’t ask…

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    What kind of car you drive; but how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.The square footage of your house; but how many people you welcomed into your home.About the clothes you have in your closet; but how many you helped to clothe.What your salary is; but if you compromised your character to obtain…

  • How to spot a rich man

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    via email from Duane McD, Fri, 10 Sep 2004 10:09:53 -0500

  • Honey

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    An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisssssssco!”Soon a store clerk approaches and says, “Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D.”The old lady replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff.  I’m calling my husband.”The clerk is astonished.  “Your husband’s name is Crisco?”The old lady answers, “Oh no, no,…