Year: 2005
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The master of obfuscation
Although our asset-class analysis of detailed disaggregated data is still at an early stage, preliminary examination finds that the data are consistent with the hypothesis of differential spending propensities by asset type and by whether or not capital gains have been realized.Alan Greenspan
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Opportunity
Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.Thomas Alva Edison
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Things to do before the Inaugural
Get that abortion you’ve always wanted. Drink a nice clean glass of water. Cash your Social Security check. See a doctor of your own choosing. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter. Get that gas mask you’ve been putting off buying. Hoard gasoline. Borrow books…
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Biggest Idiots of 2004
Number OneI am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. …
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Your 2005 Horoscope
Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. You enjoy sucking cock.Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 19) You have a vivid imagination and often think…
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New 2005 Holiday
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.Secret…Guys feel left out. That’s right…left out.There’s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. …