The heavist element known to man was recently discovered by US West Advanced Tech, according to one disgruntled USWester.  The element, tentatively named "administratium," has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic number of 0.  However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 312.  Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert.  However, it can be detected chemically because it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.  Administratium has a normal half-life of around three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, assistant vice neutrons, and vice neutrons exchange places.

Rumor Central Column – PCWeek Magazine 27-November-1995