ADVICE FROM MEN TO WOMEN

08/03/2000 Dr Wingnut Humor Comments Off on ADVICE FROM MEN TO WOMEN

GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS:

  1. The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
  2. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
  3. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen.  Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials.  Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
  4. When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back.  I always know when the timing is right.  Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
  5. If you n eed help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer.  In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
  6. If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
  7. If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise.  I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
  8. I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
  9. Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed.  And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occassion is.  After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
  10. Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not.  I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
  11. If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair.  And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
  12. I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
  13. Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me.  I am not ignoring you.