Author: Dr Wingnut

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion f**king forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them,…

This was in today's Oregonian:Jim Morris thought there was something familiar about the three gold and white chickens he saw in the parking lot of the Motel 6 in Troutdale while on a trip to watch some motocross races.They even came when he whistled.It wasn't until he got home to Coos Bay that the Federal…

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.  I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"Well, she immediately went down…

A ten year old boy was failing math.  His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail.  Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a…

THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.Runners-up:[AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope…

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.  As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells: PIG!!The man immediately leans out his window and replies with "BITCH!"They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner…

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.Sometimes a problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.  Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male's…