Author: Dr Wingnut
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The perfect husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.MAN: “Hello”WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”MAN: “Yes”WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and…
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Change and Progress
Change is one thing, progress is another. “Change” is scientific, “progress” is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy.Bertrand Russell
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Life cycle
Woman’s life story…What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her…
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New Year’s resolution
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.AnonymousHowever the doctor has made a resolution to go from a 38-inch waist to a 36-inch waist. Wish him luck.
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Safer
Boy, I feel safer now that she’s [Martha Stewart] behind bars. O.J. & Kobe are walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook and clean and work in the yard and haul her ass to jail.Tim Allen, Comedian
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Snipper job
A guy goes into the employment office in Columbus. Not many jobs and it doesn’t take him very long, of course.Then, just as he’s about to give up and go away, he spots something.“Wanted”, it says. “Single man, willing to travel, must have own scissors. $500 a week guaranteed, plus company car and all expenses.”Well,…
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The master of obfuscation
Although our asset-class analysis of detailed disaggregated data is still at an early stage, preliminary examination finds that the data are consistent with the hypothesis of differential spending propensities by asset type and by whether or not capital gains have been realized.Alan Greenspan