Dr Wingnut

Category: Humor

  • New Math Equivalancies

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won tonTime between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecondWeight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigramHalf of a large intestine: 1 semicolon1000 aches: 1 kilohurtzBasic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower1 million microphones: 1 megaphone2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds…

  • Smitten

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    A man was dining at a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He kept checking her out surreptitiously, but lacked the nerve to talk to her.  Suddenly, she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards the man.  He caught it reflexively and handed…

  • The Kennebunkport Hillbillies

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    Just in time for the Bush inauguration, also known as the "Comedians' Guaranteed Employment Act (CGEA)," (Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme song)Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy named Bush.His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.He drank like a fish while he drove round all…

  • Corporate Sports

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Read the following six statements and the amazing conclusion they lead to:The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. The sport of choice for the maintenance level employees is BOWLING. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. The sport of choice for middle…

  • Fords

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    Three brothers invented the air conditioning unit for the car.  They went to Henry Ford to sell their invention, and he immediately knew the value that it had.  Only one problem: they insisted that their name appear on the air conditioner.  Because they were Jewish, Ford refused to do this, being a well known bigot. …

  • Bubba Santa

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    Dr Wingnut
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    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin…

  • Reindeer

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    Dr Wingnut
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    According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their…