Fifteen things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parent is taking their own sweet time:
- Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly place them in people’s carts while they aren’t looking.
- Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in Housewares” and watch what happens.
- Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay away.
- Move a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
- Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
- When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
- Look right into the security camera, using it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
- While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
- In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look using different size funnels.
- Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, “Pick Me! Pick Me!”
- When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
- Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a few minutes, then yell loudly, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”