Forrest Gump goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.  He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.  St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you.  We have heard a lot about you.  I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone.

The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven. The questions are:

  1. What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?
  2. How many seconds are there in a year?
  3. What is God’s first name?

Forrest says, "Well, the first one — how many days in the week begin with the letter ‘T’?  That’s an easy one.  That’d be Today and Tomorrow."  The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but… I’ll give you credit for that answer.  How about the next one?" asks St. Peter.  "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one’s harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk and guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

"Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…"

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter,  "I see where you’re going with this, and I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.  Let’s go on with the next and final question.  Can you tell me God’s first name?"

"Sure," Forrest replied, "its Andy."  "Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.  "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"

"That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied…

"Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own"

St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and said: "Run, Forrest, run."

via email from Bob R., Wed, 12 Nov 2003 19:30:58 -0600