A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named “Governmentium.”  It has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by binding particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.  Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected, because it is an anti-catalyst.  A minuscule amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; however, it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming new isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in the atom.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the “Critical Morass.”  When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium—an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

via email from John Treworgy, Fri, 30 Sep 2005 07:10:20 -0700