Guidelines for Millennium Enlightenment

  1. Be a Fundamentalist–make sure theFun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situationcomedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, andthe reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material.Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensureregularhilarity.
  2. Remember that each of us has been given aspecial gift, just for entering – so you are already a winner!
  3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That iswhere I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if wedon't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change thechannel.
  4. Life is like photography. You use the negative todevelop.
  5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavythoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing acondition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day.And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teachin Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.*
  6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and trulylive like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. Thatway, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins witheach of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all thepeaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
  7. I knowgreat earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you'relooking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault,just don't dwell on it.
  8. There's no need to change the world. Allwe have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change itagain.
  9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I havesome bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to theUniverse. The good news is: it has been left unlocked.
  10. Finally,everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it,it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So wedon't have to go through channels.
Swami Beyondananda; via eMail, 11 January 2000