Inspectors in Iraq

Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?  They’re all men!  How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam’s stash?  For crying out loud!  Men can’t find the dirty clothes hamper.  Men can’t find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor… and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction!

I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren’t sent in.  Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope.  Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters.  They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away.  They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake.  A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away.  By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes.

My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, “Young man, do you have any weapons of mass destruction?”  And God help him if he tried to lie to her.  She’d march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and say, “Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?”

Inspectors my ass… You want the job done?  Call my mother.

via email, Fri, 14 Mar 2003 15:08:13 -0500