A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doctor said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the crate."