| What he says | What he means |
|---|---|
| "Was it good for you?" | "I'm insecure about my manhood." |
| "I want a commitment." | "I'm sick of masturbation." |
| I had a wonderful time last night." | "Who the hell are you?" |
| "I've been thinking a lot." | "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk." |
| "I'll give you a call." | "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again." |
| "I'm a Romantic." | "I'm poor." |
| "I think we should just be friends." | "You're ugly." |
| "Haven't I seen you before?" | "Nice ass." |
| "I have something to tell you." | "Get tested." |
| "No, I don't want to dance right now" | "Shoot! She'll know she gave me a woody!" |
| "The break-up should not start 'til tomorrow" | "I want to have sex a few more times." |
| "You're the only girl I've ever cared about" | "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me." |
| "We've been through so much together" | "If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity." |
| "I've learned a lot from you." | "Next!!!!" |
| "I need you" | "My hand is tired." |
| "I want you back" | "…for tonight anyway." |
| "I want you back" | "I want you on your back." |
| "I am different from all the other guys" | "I am not circumsized." |
| "I miss you so much" | "I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good." |
| "Want to snuggle?" | "I noticed you were almost asleep." |
| "Do you love me?" | "I've done something stupid and you might find out." |
| "Do you *really* love me?" | "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later." |
| "How much do you love me?" | "I've done something *really* stupid and someone's on their way to tell you now." |
| "It's just orange juice, try it." | "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head." |
| "She's kinda cute." | "I want to have sex with her till I am blue." |
| "I don't know if I like her" | "She won't sleep with me." |
| "I really want to get to know you better." | "So I can tell my friends about it." |
| "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?" | "Is my penis really that small?" |
| "The car isn't running right." | "I want a bigger engine and more knobs to play with." |
| "My tools are obsolete." | "I can't figure out how to work the old ones and the commercial says even a chimp can use the new ones." |
| "I know where I am." | "Oh God! Where the HELL am I?" |
| "I need new shoes" | "The pair that I've had since high school fell apart in the rain." |
| "The remote is broken." | "Come here wherever you are and change the channel for me." |
| "I'm hungry." | "Make me something to eat" |
| "This kitchen is so inconvenient." | "I can't see the tv from here." |
| "The dishwasher is full." | "I've run out of places to hide the dirty dishes." |
| "It's your decision." | "I'm totally clueless, so you decide and I'll just take half the credit." |
| "We need to talk." | "I need to complain." |
| "Sure,… go ahead." | "I don't want you to….but…. I'll use this next time we fight, to show how supportive I am." |
| "You're,… so feminine." (Actually a Question) | "Do you do laundry…cook…windows…bake?" |
| "Let's be romantic… turn out the lights." | "Beer gut? What beer gut…Ohh….uh..o." |
| "You want…" | "I know what you should want." |
| "We need… | "I want." |
| "Do what you want and sulk." | "I'll just sit on the couch." |
| "I'm feeling romantic tonight." | "There's no game on tonight." |
| "I'm not emotional! And I'm not over-reacting!" | "I'm losing my hair." |
| "I had her." | "I had (wet dreams about) her all week." |
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