Notable

12/16/2003 Dr Wingnut Quotations Comments Off on Notable
  • I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".Eleanor Roosevelt
  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.George Burns
  • Santa Claus has the right idea — visit people only once a year.Victor Borge
  • Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.Mark Twain
  • My wife is a sex object — every time I ask for sex, she objects.Les Dawson
  • By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.Socrates
  • I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.Groucho Marx
  • My wife has a slight impediment in her speech — every now and then she stops to breathe.Jimmy Durante
  • I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.Alex Levine
  • What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.Henny Youngman
  • Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘shut up.’Joe Namath
  • At my age, flowers scare me.George Burns
  • Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.Herbert Henry Asquith
  • I don’t feel old – I don’t feel anything until noon.  Then it’s time for my nap.Bob Hope
  • I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.W. C. Fields
  • It takes only one drink to get me drunk.  The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.George Burns
  • Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful and multiply."  But not in those exact words…Woody Allen
  • If only God would give me some sign…a clear sign!  Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.Selections from The New Yorker
  • Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.Woody Allen
  • If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him your future plans.Woody Allen
  • Those are my principles, if you don’t like them….  I have others.Groucho Marx
  • Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.Mark Twain
via email from John Treworgy, Sun, 14 Dec 2003 09:26:04 -0500