Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out.
The genie says, "I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can grant each of you vun vish."
Ole says, "I vish I vas back on da farm." Poof, Ole was gone.
Lena quickly says, "I vish I vas back on da farm wit Ole." Poof, Lena was gone.
Sven was sitting there looking sad and the genie finally says, "Sven, vat is your vish?" and Sven says, "Gee, I'm really lonely. I vish Ole and Lena were here with me".
Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale." This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it.
"Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat.
All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and combine."
Ole replied "Yup, and they're boat for sale."
One day Ole goes in to see his doctor. Ole says, "Doc, I just don't know vat to do. Lena and me, vell, our sex life just ain't going dat vell."
The doctor says, "Ole, all you need is some exercise. I want you to walk ten miles every day. You give me a call in a week and let me know how you're doing."
So, a week later the phone rings and the doctor answers it.
A voice on the other end says, "Doc, dis is Ole." The doctor says, "Hello, Ole. Have you been walking ten miles every day?"
Ole says, "Yes."
The doctor asks, "And has your sex life improved?"
Ole replies, "Well, how da hell vould I know? I'm seventy miles avay from home!"
Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Ole replied, "At da end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Ole said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"
Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing.
Ole said, "Let's go a vit furder downstream." So they did and they caught many monstrous fish. They had their limit so they went home. On the way home Sven said, "I marked de spot right in de middle of de boat, Ole."
"You Stupid," said Ole, "How do you know ve vill get da same boat next time."
Ole and Lena were laying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, "Vell, how da hell should I know, dats over 2,000 miles away" and he hung up.
Lena say's, "Who was dat Ole?"
Ole say's "Hell if I know, some guy wants ta know if da coast is clear."