Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Q. How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A. She has a headache with the postman.
Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours.
Q: What is a Jewish nymphomaniac?
A: A wife who does her hair and sleeps with her husband on the same day.
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car.
Q: What does a Jewish husband call a water bed?
A: The Dead Sea.
Q: Who is Israel’s favorite Internet provider?
A: Netanyahoo.
Q: What’s the name of the face lotion made especially for Jewish women?
A: Oil of Oy Vay.
Q: What’s the title of a horror film for Jewish women?
A: Debby Does The Dusting.
Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?
A: Plaintiff.
Q: In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become human?
A: When it wins a place in medical school.
Q What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?
A: Nothing at all.
Q: Define “genius”
A: An average student with a Jewish mother.
Q: Why did the mohel retire?
A: He just couldn’t cut it anymore.
Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.
Q: What do you call someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A: A meshuggener.
Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes Benz 500SL convertible.
Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”
Another of life’s mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
via email from Bob Rosen, Fri, 23 Feb 2007 08:56:25 -0800