- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- Auntie Em…Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Keep honking…I'm reloading.
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