- What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
- What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.
- Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
- What’s the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth? One US leader.
- What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts.
- Why is air a lot like sex? Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
- Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father.
- What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don’t do dick.
- What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
- What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
- What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
- What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.
- What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
- Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
- What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
- What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
- A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she’s 18.
- Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
- What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it’s mine?”
- What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
- Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
- Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying “Yo.”
- Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
- What’s the Cuban National Anthem? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”
- Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
- What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
- What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They’re hiring.
- What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.
- How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the ‘F’ word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
- What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A Southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
- Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides
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