Things to say when you get stressed

02/19/2004 Dr Wingnut Humor Comments Off on Things to say when you get stressed
  1. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
  2. Ambivalent?  Well, yes and no.
  3. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
  4. Back off!  You’re standing in my aura.
  5. Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.
  6. Do I look like a people person?
  7. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  8. Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
  9. Don’t worry.  I forgot your name too.
  10. Earth is full.  Go home.
  11. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  12. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
  13. I’m not crazy.  I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
  14. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  15. I’m not your type.  I’m not inflatable.
  16. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
  17. Not all people are annoying.  Some are dead.
  18. Okay, okay! I take it back.  Unscrew you.
  19. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
  20. Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
  21. Therapy is expensive.  Popping bubble wrap is cheap.  You choose.
  22. This isn’t an office.  It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
  23. Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  24. Well, aren’t we a damn ray of sunshine?
  25. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
  26. Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
  27. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
  28. You look like shit.  Is that the style now?
  29. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
via email from John Treworgy, Thu, 19 Feb 2004 06:52:32 -0500