Thirty (30) Creative Ways to have an Extra-Specially Fun Time Shopping!

  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
  2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they don't realize it.
  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
  4. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, "I need some tampons."
  5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
  6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
  7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy"
  8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
  9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and set the volumes to "10."
  10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  11. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
  13. Put M&Ms on layaway.
  14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
  15. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
  16. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
  18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
  19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
  21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
  24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
  25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
  26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
  27. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
  28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
  29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
  30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
via email from Nan Herpst, Wednesday, February 24, 1999 3:52 PM