Winders 98 Alert

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Appalachian edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of the Appalachian area.

If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.  This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.  It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.  It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note the 'Recycle Bin' is labeled Outhouse, 'My Computer' is called This Infernal Contraption, 'Dialup Networking' is called Good Ol' Boys, 'Control Panel' is known as The Dern Dashboard, 'Hard Drive' is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and 'floppies' are Them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.


  • OK = ats aww-right
  • cancel = hail no
  • reset = awa shoot
  • yes = shore
  • no = Naaaa
  • find = hunt-fer it
  • go to = over yonder
  • back = back yonder
  • help = hep me out here
  • stop = ternit off
  • start = crank it up
  • settings = sittins
  • programs = stuff at does stuff
  • documents = stuff I done done

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:

  • Tiperiter… A word processor
  • Colering book… A graphics program
  • Addin mershene… Calculator
  • Outhouse paper… Notepad
  • Juke-box… CD Player
  • Iner-net… Netscape Or Microsoft Internet Explorer
  • Pichers… A graphics viewer
  • IRS… M/S accounting software
  • IRS2… M/S accounting software with hidden files
  • Coon dog… American kennel club records
  • Fishin… Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
  • NRA… National Rifle Association
  • Shot gun… Remington Arms price list
  • Riffel… Winchester price list
  • Pisstel… Smith & Wesson price list
  • Truck… Ford & Chevrolet dealers by zip code
  • House… Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip
  • Car… Same as truck just need two list
  • Cuzzins… Family history usually a 3 meg file
  • Tax records… Usually an empty file
  • Shells… Ammunition inventory another 3 meg file
  • Bud… List of Budwiser dealers by zip code
  • Rasin… NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n truck reports
  • Parts… Nearest Junk yard by zip code
  • Doc… Veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of this edition.  You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Howard Blackman
Order Management
Ext. 6310