You Know You Are Still a Republican If …

by Jimmy Lohman

  • You are more upset about Brokeback Mountain than Abu Ghraib.
  • You can’t stand Hilary Clinton’s hair but you have no problem with Tom DeLay’s.
  • You think Global Warming is no big deal but environmentalists are a major problem.
  • You support the “war on drugs” but think Rush Limbaugh is being prosecuted unfairly.
  • You think professional athletes make too much money but Sam Walton’s kids deserve everything they have.
  • You like the way George Bush walks.
  • You think Al Gore is “wooden” and Donald Rumsfeld has charisma.
  • You think CNN is biased but Fox News is neutral.
  • You like the sound of Newt Gingrich’s voice.
  • You are sure the United States has the best education and health care systems in the world.
  • You think Dick Cheney is a straight shooter.
  • You think Michael Chertoff’s beard makes him look distinguished.
  • You think the problem with our health care system is lawyers.
  • You think it was more important to locate Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress than to locate weapons of mass destruction.
  • You don’t believe “terrorism” has made Rudy Giuliani an incredibly rich man.
  • You believe freedom of speech covers everything Pat Robertson says and does, but burning a flag should be illegal.
  • You can be in the same room with Brit Hume.
  • You have yourself convinced that the country and world are better off now than 5 years ago.
via email from Duane McDowell, Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:44:26 -0800

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