by Jimmy Lohman
- You are more upset about Brokeback Mountain than Abu Ghraib.
- You can’t stand Hilary Clinton’s hair but you have no problem with Tom DeLay’s.
- You think Global Warming is no big deal but environmentalists are a major problem.
- You support the “war on drugs” but think Rush Limbaugh is being prosecuted unfairly.
- You think professional athletes make too much money but Sam Walton’s kids deserve everything they have.
- You like the way George Bush walks.
- You think Al Gore is “wooden” and Donald Rumsfeld has charisma.
- You think CNN is biased but Fox News is neutral.
- You like the sound of Newt Gingrich’s voice.
- You are sure the United States has the best education and health care systems in the world.
- You think Dick Cheney is a straight shooter.
- You think Michael Chertoff’s beard makes him look distinguished.
- You think the problem with our health care system is lawyers.
- You think it was more important to locate Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress than to locate weapons of mass destruction.
- You don’t believe “terrorism” has made Rudy Giuliani an incredibly rich man.
- You believe freedom of speech covers everything Pat Robertson says and does, but burning a flag should be illegal.
- You can be in the same room with Brit Hume.
- You have yourself convinced that the country and world are better off now than 5 years ago.