You know you're drinking too much coffee when…

04/25/2001 Dr Wingnut Humor Comments Off on You know you're drinking too much coffee when…
  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You lick your coffeepot clean.
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • You chew on other people's fingernails.
  • Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
  • You can type 60 words per minute … with your feet.
  • You can jump-start your car without cables.
  • All your kids are named "Joe."
  • You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
  • Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
  • You don't sweat, you percolate.
  • You buy Half & Half by the barrel.
  • You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • People get dizzy just watching you.
  • You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  • The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  • Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
  • Instant coffee takes too long.
  • Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
  • You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • You short out motion detectors.
  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  • You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
  • You don't tan, you roast.
  • You can't even remember your second cup.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.
via eMail, Wed, 25 Apr 2001 11:54:32 -0700