Dr Wingnut

Day: August 3, 2000

  • Dog Groaners

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    A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash. The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a… bottomless pit!I have a dog that talks in its…

  • Does Bill Gates have a problem we don't know about?

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    Open a new document in WordType "Unable to follow directions" (without the quotes)Highlight the entire sentence you just typedClick Tools; Thesaurus (or hit shift-F7 to open the thesaurus)(FYI — Thesaurus is found on Word 97 under tools, language.)

  • Dirty Jokes

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    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."A blind…

  • Dirty Birds

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    A lady went to her priest one day and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.  Then he thought…

  • Dinner in Mexico

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    A man and his wife are visiting Mexico and go to the local restaurant for dinner.  They can't seen to decide on what to have so they spend a lot of time looking over the menu.  While they are looking, they hear a trumpet fanfare, and out of the kitchen comes the cook with a…

  • Dilbert's Office Prayer

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    Say this each day on your way to work…God, Grant me the serenityTo accept the things I cannot change;The courage to change the thingsI cannot accept;And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those peopleI had to kill today because they pissed me off.And also, Help me to be careful of the toesI step on…

  • Dilbert quotes

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    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.  Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in…