Month: August 2000

ANN ARBORThe Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said…

Coach Holmgren, clearly upset about the Packer's play, decides to find out from Dennis Green what his secret is. So, Holmgren travels down to a Vikings practice and asks Green, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?"Green responds by calling Cunningham over. "Randall, who's your father's brother's nephew?"He answers,…

Our lager,Which art in barrels,Hallowed be thy drink.Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),At home as it is in the tavern.Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our spillages,As we forgive those who spill against us.And lead us not to incarceration,But deliver us from hangovers.For thine is the beer, The bitter, The…

… Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.… Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.… Do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.… Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.… Do we leave cars worth…

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?  He sold his soul to Santa.Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?  He's all right now.Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?  He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.How do crazy people…

There are a series of beautiful, deserted islands in the middle of nowhere. On these islands, the following people are stranded:2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman2 French men and 1 French woman2 German men and 1 German woman2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman2 English men and 1 English woman2 Bulgarian men and 1…

Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon…