Month: August 2000

Joe woke up one morning and looked for his wife,but his wife wasn't there. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.  Joe was afraid he might spoil 'the moment' by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:THE TENT POLE IS UP,THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,THE…

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.I AM in shape. Round's a shape.I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.Did you ever notice when you…

The language folks who brought us "Ebonics," have decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. Th e following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:HEIDINoun.  Greeting.HIRE…

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer…

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.GodC'mon over and bring the kids.GodWhat part of "Thou Shalt Not…" didn't you understand?GodWe need to talk.GodKeep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.GodLoved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.GodThat "Love Thy Neighbor" thing… I meant it.GodI love you and you and you…

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?"Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing. In-class Assignment for Wednesday:"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to…

Seventy-year-old George went for his annual physical.  All of his tests came back with great results.  Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically, but how are you doing mentally and emotionally?  Are you at peace with yourself; do you have a good relationship with God?”George replied, "Absolutely.  God and me are tight.  We are…