- I always confuse NRA & NPR. Totally different tote bags.
- Sometimes when I’m really lonely I talk to myself, but I call myself “you guys.”
- There’s no way my heart can handle what’s in an email labeled ELEPHANTS REUNITING AFTER 20 YRS.
- Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings.
- My dog is right. The bathroom is not a library.
- I hate drama = I love drama.
- Unfortunate is the man who employs baby talk.
- A bull in pretty much any shop is gonna be a mess.
- Saying “RELAX” is maybe the least relaxing word you can say to someone.
- I still wake up so jazzed that I don’t have to go to school.
- Some of the most misogynistic men I know are women.
- “I hate clouds,” declared my dad out of nowhere.
- Heartbreaking converges with crazy cute at the sight of tiny crutches.
- The two saddest consecutive sentences: “He just wants attention. Don’t give it to him.”
- Behind every great big bully is a great big bully.
- People in cults don’t call their cults cults.
- Let’s not wait for the apocalypse or an alien attack to love each other, y’all.
- You don’t have to do what’s expected of you.
- Just a quick reminder: other people exist.
- It bothers me that I’m not your entire world.
- We are all 100% going to die someday.
- Your fancy frankenstein cross-breed vanity dog can’t breathe you obnoxious boob.
- Spoiled rich kids who’ve never heard the word “no” are such a delight to be around in general.
- Vote “No” on this spelling of Geoff.
- You had me ’til Hello.
Humor
HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Insist that your e mail address be “Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.”In the memo field of all your checks, […]
Humor
More ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity
In addition to using, “for sexual favors” in the memo field of all your checks try: “For smuggling diamonds”, “Bribe payoff”, “Drug purchase”, etc.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a […]
Humor
For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
Save the whales. Collect the whole setA day without sunshine is like, night.On the other hand, you have different fingers.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.42.7 percent of all statistics are made […]