Author: Dr Wingnut

A lady went to her priest one day and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.  Then he thought…

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."A blind…

Say this each day on your way to work…God, Grant me the serenityTo accept the things I cannot change;The courage to change the thingsI cannot accept;And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those peopleI had to kill today because they pissed me off.And also, Help me to be careful of the toesI step on…

A man and his wife are visiting Mexico and go to the local restaurant for dinner.  They can't seen to decide on what to have so they spend a lot of time looking over the menu.  While they are looking, they hear a trumpet fanfare, and out of the kitchen comes the cook with a…

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.  Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in…

Demotivators

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."Or..Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell…