Category: Humor

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”  So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00.The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”The bartender slaps the guy around a few times…

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”The girl…

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business.  He had several hundred young (hens) layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.  The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.  That took an awful lot of his…

What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?  “Dam!”What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  Polaroids.What do prisoners use to call each other?  Cell phones.What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?  A stick.What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?  Nacho Cheese.What do you call Santa’s…

via email from John Treworgy, Sun, 12 Jun 2005 11:34:10 -0700

Florida: Ask us about our grandkids, and our voiting skills.Massachusetts: Our taxes are lower that Sweden’s.  And our Senators are more corrupt!Montana: Land of the Big Sky, The Unabomber, RIght-wing crazies, and Honest Elections!New York: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney… And no right to self defense!Ohio:…

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC.  The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I cain’t unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger ‘n me.  We’re the same age, we was the same size as kids.  I just don’t get it.”“Well,” said the big ‘gator,…