Category: Humor

ADULTA person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.BEAUTY PARLORA place where women curl up and dye.CANNIBALSomeone who is fed up with people.CHICKENSThe only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.COMMITTEEA body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.DUSTMud with the juice squeezed out.EGOTISTSomeone…

If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic.  Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them.Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed…

via email from Duane McD, Fri, 10 Sep 2004 10:09:53 -0500

An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisssssssco!”Soon a store clerk approaches and says, “Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D.”The old lady replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff.  I’m calling my husband.”The clerk is astonished.  “Your husband’s name is Crisco?”The old lady answers, “Oh no, no,…

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.  He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Beck’s.After a while, he finds himself in a very…

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.  The poor little guy starts crying. Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time,” says…

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.  When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her…